Here I am. Woke up not too long ago (at slightly past 10, surprise). After reading through the other blogs that I read, most of them have some kind of deep, heartfelt reflection things going on. If you've been a regular reader (even if you aren't, keep it to yourself), you'd notice that I have a distinct lack of such entries. I don't know why. I suppose I'm not comfortable with letting people know my state of mind. I don't want people to worry about me. Most of all, I don't want people to get down after reading some reflective stuff that I do write sometimes (case in point my deleted entry a couple days ago). I'd much rather put up a nice cheery entry, and make someone's day brighter rather than depress them further with the knowledge that yet another friend is feeling down.

Maybe it's because it doesn't feel very sincere to me. Whatever I write down here self reflection wise just doesn't feel real to me. Same deal with commenting on enetation. I start writing comments for other people's lengthy self-reflective entries, then halfway through I suddenly feel that it just doesn't express what I really want to say. So I click back and feel guilty that I can't tell or help advise the person the best way I can. Things like that I need to do in private, rather than air it out to the world. I really don't understand why.

I don't want to throw up some random feelings that make this blog seem like an outlet for angst. Even when I'm feeling moody there's no way that I can remember everything that I want to write, and therein is the problem. I never like to feel that I've done a halfassed job. Doesn't really help that I'm kind of forgetful. I never really liked to follow the crowd, just because some people are writing about how things have changed their lives or their life philosophy - hang out around me enough and you'll know what that very philosophy is. For me, it's more like I prefer to keep any private reflections just that - private.

I'm one of those kind of people who prefers to sit in the corner, stone, and think about things. Rather than write everything down. Not only do I forget some things, but in writing you're forced to put things down just one way. Thinking about it allows me to put across more abstract concepts that can't really be put down in writing. I'm sorry to disappoint people who want to read deep entries about how I've grown and what I've learnt as a person, but for the time I prefer to stare at a point in space and do my thinking there. I'm just not comfortable with people reading some entries of mine, and in comments write things that I'd already know. That's why it doesn't feel very right for me. I apologise for disappointing some people.

Tallulah, It's easier to live alone than fear the time it's over
Tallulah, find the words and talk to me ,oh, Tallulah, this could be... heaven