The Massacre Before Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the land
Everyone was sleeping, save woman and man.
They were all panicking and running about
Hunting for bargains, identified with a shout.
For Timmy's Power Ranger, Julie's Barbie doll
Kenny's limited edition adidas ball.
But why, one doth cry, why suffer now?
Why herd into shopping malls as if we were cows?
Why not start earlier, like sensible folk?
Avoid the crowds, split up like an egg and its yolk?
Sure as hell beats me, I have to reply
Everytime I squeeze through crowds with a sigh.
Same time next year, I vow in my mind.
Vowing to return to these crowds their 'favours' in kind.