Ever had those moments of abject clarity? What's really important in this life? Material goods don't last and money, well, why be the richest stiff in the graveyard? Sometimes I wonder whether or not I'm at all ready for the next phase of life. Still so bloody naive. Don't know a damn thing, except how to be a drain on my loved ones. The past few weeks have been battering on my self esteem, till the point it seems like pre-poly days.

What's it all about? I'm sorry I've let so many people down recently. I've been selfish lately to my poor kitten. Illusions of grandeur? Sometimes I wonder. She's slogging away at a shitty job and nothing I have done can compare to what she's done and been through. Do I deserve anything I have at all? What have I done, really?

I still love her to bits though. And I'm resolving to do whatever I can to show her that I do.